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27 September 2008 @ 10:46 am
My Way Home  
title: My Way Home
fandom: Lost in Austen
An alternate ending to the mini-series. Amanda finds a note, and is once again left surprised by the person who most surprised her during her accidental trip.
characters/pairings: Amanda, Wickham (hints of Amanda/Wickham, minor Amanda/Darcy)
genre(s): Angst/General/Romance
rating: PG
note: Crap. A new fandom. A fandom I really thought I wouldn't write for, but after my friend saw the final episode, we briefly mentioned who else could have written a certain note Amanda found. So, of course I had to write it. Definite spoilers for the series--except the ending is AU. ;)
She’s bombarded with images and memories of a time period that if anything, should be pieces of an imagined life. She recalls Elizabeth’s words about being born out of place and out of time, and she feels her heart crushing further because of that.

Despite the memories and hence pain rushing through her, however, Amanda knows that her time in this time, is not something she can force to herself to forget. In fact, a part of her is afraid of how slowly the images will grow hazier and the memories will (as memories tend to) begin to fade.

If anything, she’d like the pain to fade. The remaining feelings she’s not so sure about.

Because she hates, hates the remaining feelings just as much, if not more so than the hurt. It’s one thing to feel this aspect of hurt due to her being wrenched away from Darcy (although she couldn’t necessarily say wrenched as she was the one doing the walking away). It is another for relief to come out in small gasps from her mouth at the thought of the “greatest love story ever told” finally fulfilling itself. But no, I’m that story now--Elizabeth wasn’t here, he fell in love with me, and I with him, Amanda told herself as the door inched closer.

She can see Darcy’s face flash over her and suddenly she feels so much weaker. Is that what true love does to you? Make you this bloody weak?, she asks herself as she shakes her head so as to drown out this man’s voice and flesh.

And then, and then there’s another face that flashes by her and there’s a small smile that passes her features if all for a second. Before she knows it, she’s remembered some of his words to her and the way he has acted throughout her time there, and she’s laughing.

Aloud, without thinking, she say, “God Amanda, what is wrong with you? You’re about to leave behind the man of your dreams and you’re laughing? Right, I must be consumed with hysteria.”

She brushes a hand across her face to wipe stray tears from her eyes and cheeks, shakes her head once more, takes in a deep breath, and reaches for the door handle.

She feels another part of herself fall because the door opens as if telling her, “Come on, you’ve had your little fun, now get back into your house and resume your old life.”

But along with that part of herself, a piece of paper fall from the crevice of the door. Immediately she reaches down for it.

She cannot pinpoint why she’s so drawn to the scrap of paper, nor why she looks it over so attentively, but she does. It’s nothing more than a receipt, she realizes, but still she’s prone to turn the paper around. And there she finds a line (a messily written line in small font) that further confuse her, but make her laugh once again.

“Shame I can’t be here to witness the look you must have on your face, but at least I can pride myself in knowing that I’ve managed to surprise you once more.”

Another laugh escapes her and everything is forgotten. At least everything that in one way or another came to disappoint and/or hurt her during her time in this time. Because once again, Wickham’s face flashes by her memories and even though he was the grandest surprise, he was the only one who had not disappointed her. It’s in that instant that her brain separates her idea of love from that which simply cannot be explained--actual love.

Saying she has never loved Darcy would be a mistake. She loves the man he could be, loves the man he was at times. And yes, she adores him even. But the amount of hurt they had managed to inflict over some days time already disconcerted Amanda--people in love could not hurt each other on such a consistent basis.

So when Amanda turns on her heel and jogs away from the door, down the banister, and to Elizabeth to ask for a carriage, it is not for Darcy. No, it is for the man who had tried to help her be accepted into society. Sure, he had his hidden agendas, but he did not dare judge her once. And that same man was honorable, despite his protests, for protecting both Georgina and her so that both ladies could go out into the streets without being mocked. And that man made her smile, laugh, and had amused her (yes, even his frustrating acts of machismo) when the world she knew and loved was being turned upside down.


“The bizzarest thing happened this morning,” he begins before she’s even beside him.

Amanda smiles to herself. Despite him being extremely unpredictable, it had been fairly obvious to her that he would be around the bar, and here she has found him still outside the establishment, taking care of his horse first. But how was he even sure whom he was speaking to? Was he really expecting her? And really, could he not put aside the brush and quit brushing his horse so he could turn to face her?

“What’s that?” Amanda asks, going along with whatever ploy he’s playing.

“I was in the Bennett household when suddenly I saw Mr. Darcy coming out of one of guest bedrooms. Instead of heading downstairs, however, he began climbing the stairs. Feeling a sense of duty to help the poor fellow who looked mighty confused, I decided to follow him. Course I trailed behind him so he wouldn’t notice him.”

“You followed Darcy?” Amanda interjects.

She hears Wickham sigh, but finally he takes off the handle brush, puts it aside and turns around to her.

“The polite thing, Miss Price, is to allow someone to finish speaking. Interrupting a person is not correct.”

She rolls her eyes but nods.

“Yes, I followed him,” he resumes, “followed him to the attic. I stayed around the corner as he paced back and forth. Seeing as how he was just intent on driving himself mad, I thought it right to leave after awhile, but then…Then he began mumbling something or another.”

“What was he mumbling?”

Wickham raised an eye at her, causing her to roll her eyes again, but she did mouth ‘sorry.’

“He was going on about how it had to be a dream--everything that had occurred the day prior, was a dream. There was no other ‘modern London’ that Miss Price was originally from nor was there some portal to said ‘modern London.’”

Crap, Amanda thought to herself, thinking that now Wickham too would engage in bombarding her with questions on whatnot.

“Eventually he stopped pacing, which is when I rushed into a room so he wouldn’t spot me. Soon as I was assured of his departure, then, I went into the small hallway he had been occupying. Do you know what I found, Miss Price?”

Suspecting that it was the scrap of paper, but knowing that he already knew that she was aware, she did not think it improper to continue with his little game.

“No, Wickham, what did you find?”

He smirks at her and begins walking towards her. She feels herself freeze when he’s mere inches from him and she has to force herself to not laugh the instant their gazes lock.

Tilting his head, he keeps his hands tied behind him, but draws his chest forward. In a low whisper, he says, “the small piece of paper you have clutched in your left hand. Amanda.”

“You sure of that?”

“Just as sure as I am that you are not from here, and yet feel as though you are.”

“What do you know of what I feel…George?”

Her breath is growing shallow, and in a moment of weakness, her eyes drop to his lips.

“I don’t,” he openly admits with a shrug,” but that’s what makes you interesting.”

Upon seeing the smile that spreads across her face, Wickham gives her a brief smile in return, but then turns back around. He begins walking away from her, which confuses her to no end.

“Wait, where are you going?” she calls out.

He chuckles and looks over his shoulder.

“To Hammersmith,” and he pauses for effect, “care to join me?”

This is crazy, Amanda
, her logic pounds at her, but without missing a beat, she answers him with an eager, “yes!”
theme song: my way home ~ common
Kelly: p&p elizabeth & darcybooksbagsshoes on September 27th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
This is much more like the ending I wanted. Thank you. I particularly liked the way you handled Amanda realising her love for Darcy wasn't enough, there was nothing in the show which made me think she was in love with the man as she knew him and not the fictional version.

(Here via lost_inausten)
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: aaliyah; never too far offfalsemurmur on September 29th, 2008 01:10 am (UTC)
I tried my best not to drag out Amanda's realization (as that's a completely 'nother fic that could stand on its own, in my opinion) so I'm glad it worked for you.

Thank you. :)
Purpleyin/Hans: suavemissyvortexdv on September 27th, 2008 09:14 pm (UTC)
Hee! I must admit I have a fondness for the idea of Wickham/Amanda because he's rather more fitting in character, even if he doesn't fit her ideals.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: elle; determined to find my truthfalsemurmur on September 29th, 2008 01:12 am (UTC)
I have a fondness for that pairing, too! I like Darcy/Amanda well enough, but ultimately Wickham/Amanda may be the more interesting pairing. ;)

Thank you.
rodlox: going to hugrodlox on September 27th, 2008 09:53 pm (UTC)

with Wickham, the saying is true: "you'll never be bored," eh Amanda?

superb fic.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: alex; until i crash the mask remainsfalsemurmur on September 29th, 2008 01:13 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment. ;D

(& with Wickham, anything goes, which I'm sure could entertain Amanda very well)
tigger_01: i love english boystigger_01 on September 28th, 2008 01:55 am (UTC)
Amanda/Wickam. *sighs happily*
Beautifully written; at times I got a little bit confused in her conversation with Wickham, but you explained everything very well. And I can't get over how happy I am people agree she should have ditched Darcy. xD
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: mr. bale; yes pleasefalsemurmur on September 29th, 2008 01:17 am (UTC)
Dialogue is my biggest weakness, so I honestly apologize for the confusion it may have caused. I'm glad, however, that it still worked for you and that you enjoyed it!

I actually don't mind Darcy/Amanda all that much, but I don't like how rushed the ending was. If they wanted Darcy/Amanda to be the end game, in my opinion, they should've handled it differently. Given the ending though, Wickham/Amanda would've made more sense (& I think I ship Wickham/Amanda more, anyway!). ;)

Thank you.
karmalicious84: I only smile in private | Darceykarmalicious84 on September 28th, 2008 01:21 pm (UTC)
hey :]
I just wanted to tell you, that I'm very glad to read your fic :] I started and give feedback later :]
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: addison; who am i remains who i wasfalsemurmur on September 29th, 2008 01:18 am (UTC)
Oh, that's sweet enough--I really hope you just enjoyed it. ;D
karmalicious84: I only smile in private | Darceykarmalicious84 on September 29th, 2008 03:47 pm (UTC)
yeahhhh! I really like thze fic :] didn't understand every single word,but that's okay for me ;] I hope to read a secord part :]
rosa_cotton: Wendy & Peterrosa_cotton on October 9th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for writing for this little piece! This is how I wished Lost in Austen had ended. I really was rooting for Wickham to win the girl.

I really liked how you handled Amanda realizing her love for Darcy wasn't enough. (To be honest, judging from her speech to him about how long she'd loved him, I think she was more in love with Darcy the CHARACTER than Darcy the flesh and blood GENTLEMAN.) The dialogue between her and Wickham was witty and cute, felt like it could have fit perfectly in LIA. And when they addressed each other by their first name...I smiled.

Great job done!
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: addison; who am i remains who i wasfalsemurmur on October 11th, 2008 05:20 am (UTC)
Well you're more than welcome, but thank you for the wonderful compliments! This was just a simple little fic I wrote based on that "what if..." idea, so I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it!

I think Amanda really grasping who Darcy is to her is another fic in and of itself, therefore the small inclusion I had of it striking you in that manner means a lot. And the fact that you liked the dialogue, since dialogue is my biggest weakness.

So happy to hear I brought you a smile! Thanks again. :)