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12 February 2009 @ 08:25 pm
{the storms are raging on the rolling seas}  
title: {the storms are raging on the rolling seas}
fandom: Smallville
summary: Tears form on the corners of her eyes, emotions that threaten to break loose from her soul every other second of every other day, emotions that ninety-nine point nine percent of the time she manages to stuff in the last drawer of her soul to keep from overflowing. This is the point one percent.
character(s)/pairing(s): Lois (Lois/Clark UST)
genre: Angst/Romance
rating: PG
note: I can't believe it's been three weeks since I've written fanfic, and over three weeks since I've posted anything here--eek! So this is one of two Smallville fics I have in the can--since the other one is more dialogue focused, as opposed to this one, I'm not through editing it (b/c my dialogue always needs constant editing--I'm just so terrible with it). Anywho...this is completely Lois' perspective, and just encapsulates her feelings towards Clark in S8. Enjoy. :)
~*~
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

When she recites those words from her mouth, like she's clearly telling him the absolute truth rather than her mirror, she can already hear the accusations of arrogance, conceitedness, and naivety, ignorance over her self-assured importance to someone. The calls don't matter, because it's her she's facing day in and day out.

Tears form on the corners of her eyes, emotions that threaten to break loose from her soul every other second of every other day, emotions that ninety-nine point nine percent of the time she manages to stuff in the last drawer of her soul to keep from overflowing. This is the point one percent.

Just a second, just give me a second, she says to herself, and then she wipes the brims of her eyes--takes away the tears, steps away from the mirror, and steps back into her 99.9 percent world. She’s fine. She’s not in love with someone who doesn’t know it, and if he does, he doesn’t seem to show any intelligible knowledge in regards to her feelings for him. She’s fine. She doesn’t know perfectly well that no one could quite love him like she does. She’s fine, really.

---


There were songs she liked, and although she couldn’t directly relate to them, she could…sympathize.

She never realized just how different sympathizing with a situation felt from being the situation until a tender love song she used to jokingly karaoke suddenly made her chest tighten and mind freeze one day.

Suddenly, she’s repeating the same song over and over again as she lies on her bed, focusing on the song to drown out what the song reminds her of. More often than not (too often), her mission fails and the song and the reminder clash and she can’t listen to anything at all, and so she works, works, works, not wanting to risk her freezing over someone who constantly moves without her.

---


Scratch that.

The love song thing was just a weird, short, stupid phase, because really, who does that? Not Lois Lane.

---

One thing is absolutely true--Lois Lane is not a fork in the road. She’s not a “it’s me or her” kind of girl, because Lois Lane is a woman, and if anything she’s too much woman for a man to handle, not the other way around. You don’t screw around with a Lane, and you certainly don’t put her in the middle of anything. She’s it.

---

The fact is, sometimes she feels weak and so unlike herself that she’s sure she’s going to detonate any minute (this skin, isn’t her skin).

Confident, strong, unique woman that she is, she surely can’t be so in love, that she finds herself questioning her status as a Lane. So yes, sometimes, she can feel it strongly--her namesake, that is. She knows in her gut that despite whatever feelings she may have, she’s Lois and there are no ifs, and, or buts around it.

But sometimes, she feels it strongly--her love for him, that is. And she’s breaking at the britches, clutching onto but being free of the last bits of sanity that don’t make her weak at the knees at the sight of him. She’s slipped into a world in which he’s her first thought when silence abounds, a world in which he’s her last thought when the noise threatens to give her a migraine. He’s her peace and her boiling point, and she knows she’s gone insane not because of anything aforementioned, but rather because all of the aforementioned makes her feel something she’s never felt before. Something so inexplicably unique but indistinctive she’d rather it be buried in her forever than it be burned to ashes that’ll rise into the air and be gone with the wind for her never to attain again. Because she wants that, because she’d rather latch on to these unreturned emotions instead of let go, she knows she’s gone insane.

---

There are seconds, just seconds, when she feels that yes, he feels something for her too. That she’s not just that annoying, bossy, rude girl that popped into his life one day and took over his room, to him.

Those seconds of mercy that perhaps the universe gives her, or that perhaps she allows herself to believe in, pass and she’s stuck back in this whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

When she lets the emotions that hold him in a dear spot in her heart, win, she feels good and full.

When she lets the emotions that pity her own existence for feeling something deep for him, win, she feels full and gluttonous.

Constant conflict.

---

Even though she’s told that he and his first love are over, finite, and even though she’s glad at first, everything is overwritten by the thought that together or not, he’ll always love his first love. There just is no one else for him that will live up or be enough.

Even though she holds her own person in high regards, and even though she believes a comparison to his first love is ridiculous because his first love was a good person, and a great girl in her own right, she believes he’s just stuck with an ideal of perfectionism that Lois Lane could easily defeat (but not replace--never replace) said ideal or want of that first love.

Even though she believes that and all else, she fears his idealism will win out, and both will forever be stuck on opposite ends, and it hurts.
---

When she’s tired and fed up with the secret that burns the tips of her yearning soul, she tells him everything inside her, up through the not-quite-cherry-on-top of how it hurts.

With the exception of a few relevant things, nothing is ever the same after that.
 
 
mood: accomplishedaccomplished
theme song: Adele - Make You Feel My Love | Powered by Last.fm
 
 
Melissa: Cloismelissa_pbfan on February 13th, 2009 12:08 pm (UTC)
My God, this is fabulous. So raw and yet so true to character.

*bows down*
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: l/c; lights go out & i can't be savedfalsemurmur on February 15th, 2009 06:26 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so, so much. Really, no need to bow down or anything of the sort...although it's greatly appreciated. Just messing. In all seriousness, thank you for the wonderful feedback! :)
deansmistress22deansmistress22 on February 13th, 2009 03:15 pm (UTC)
"One thing is absolutely true--Lois Lane is not a fork in the road. She’s not a “it’s me or her” kind of girl, because Lois Lane is a woman, and if anything she’s too much woman for a man to handle, not the other way around. You don’t screw around with a Lane, and you certainly don’t put her in the middle of anything. She’s it."


perfect. you are correct. lois is a woman. clark is still a boy.
lois is it.

this was amazing. great work.
poor poor lois. someday clark will get it right and by then she wont love him she will love him as a man--- the red and blue blur.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: l/c; more than a farmboy & still minefalsemurmur on February 15th, 2009 06:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. Yeah, someday Clark will have to recognize that life as a boy is so much different than what he could have as a man, which is Lois freakin' Lane. Hopefully she'll get that which she really deserves. ;)
mute_mime: L&Cmute_mime on February 13th, 2009 07:16 pm (UTC)
I absolutely love the last line. This was a great read.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: l/c; all i need is the air i breathe &..falsemurmur on February 15th, 2009 06:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
february song: SV | Lois | Here Comes The Sunpsychme on February 15th, 2009 12:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is just beautiful. It's a raw exploration and works so well. My favorite segment was this:

One thing is absolutely true--Lois Lane is not a fork in the road. She’s not a “it’s me or her” kind of girl, because Lois Lane is a woman, and if anything she’s too much woman for a man to handle, not the other way around. You don’t screw around with a Lane, and you certainly don’t put her in the middle of anything. She’s it.


And the last line was great. I look forward to reading your other Smallville piece! :D
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: l/c; lights go out & i can't be savedfalsemurmur on February 15th, 2009 06:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback, I really do appreciate it loads. As for my other SV piece, I hope you find it enjoyable as well when it's up. Thanks again! :)
you squint when you sing: smallville - clark/lois; just like thatoatmeal_cookie on February 15th, 2009 01:05 pm (UTC)
She’s not a “it’s me or her” kind of girl, because Lois Lane is a woman, and if anything she’s too much woman for a man to handle, not the other way around. You don’t screw around with a Lane, and you certainly don’t put her in the middle of anything. She’s it.

I love that. Lois Lane has always been one of my idols, and you've condensed all the reasons why in that short paragraph. Excellent.

This whole thing just hit straight home to me. I hurt so badly for her, and I wish like nothing else that she would stop feeling this way. I hate that she was ever put in this situation, that she was given a reason to doubt herself, to doubt him, to doubt her place in his life. UGH.

When she’s tired and fed up with the secret that burns the tips of her yearning soul, she tells him everything inside her, up through the not-quite-cherry-on-top of how it hurts.

With the exception of a few relevant things, nothing is ever the same after that.


This gives me hope, though. They're going to be fine. They're going to find each other, love each other, and it will be the stuff of legend. They will. Because they're them, and nobody in the world can love them better.

Thank you so much for sharing this. So gorgeously done.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: l/c; all i need is the air i breathe &..falsemurmur on February 15th, 2009 06:35 pm (UTC)
You're more than welcome...but I'd rather thank you for the wonderful, not to mention, detailed feedback!

I really do feel for Lois, and I've never found it so easy to channel a character, which is strange because SV used to give me the greatest difficulty in respects to getting down the character voices. As you said - I wish like nothing else that she would stop feeling this way. I hate that she was ever put in this situation, that she was given a reason to doubt herself, to doubt him, to doubt her place in his life. UGH.

I'm right there with you on that!

Ultimately, I gotta believe that they're going to be fine--what with time, perhaps Clark will really grow and realize what he has in Lois Lane, which is a lot. That woman is so awesome, and I admire her kickass ways so much, heh. And I also feel like these two are too legendary a love for them not to get it right eventually!

Thanks again--I'm really just glad you enjoyed this. :)
because we have your pantssara_wolf on February 16th, 2009 06:46 am (UTC)
One thing is absolutely true--Lois Lane is not a fork in the road. She’s not a “it’s me or her” kind of girl, because Lois Lane is a woman, and if anything she’s too much woman for a man to handle, not the other way around. You don’t screw around with a Lane, and you certainly don’t put her in the middle of anything. She’s it.

This is my favorite part. And one day, she will be Clark's only; he just has to wake up and smell the coffee.

Wonderful job.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: addison; who i am remains who i wasfalsemurmur on February 19th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you enjoyed this, & yes, Clark has to got wake up and smell the coffee, as you said! ;)

Thank you.
svgurl: lois 'bride'svgurl on February 18th, 2009 03:01 am (UTC)
This was amazing and you get into Lois's head so well! You nailed her characterization and I could see her thinking this.

One thing is absolutely true--Lois Lane is not a fork in the road. She’s not a “it’s me or her” kind of girl, because Lois Lane is a woman, and if anything she’s too much woman for a man to handle, not the other way around. You don’t screw around with a Lane, and you certainly don’t put her in the middle of anything. She’s it.

I love how she knows her own self worth ... that's what makes Lois awesome. She refuses to be someone's second and Clark better wake up and see what he has soon or someone else will!

Wonderful job! :)
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: elle; everything spirals out of controlfalsemurmur on February 19th, 2009 05:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback, it's really appreciated!

She refuses to be someone's second and Clark better wake up and see what he has soon or someone else will!

WORD. ;)
miss sullivan: [sv] lois; sneeze.burningqueen on February 19th, 2009 12:33 am (UTC)
bb, how did I not read this before? It's so perfect. Yes, that is Lois right there, you got her perfectly.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you write Lois better than almost anyone I've ever read, you have her insecurity down pat.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MOTHERFRAKKIN' MONSTER.: l/c; all i need is the air i breathe &..falsemurmur on February 19th, 2009 05:39 pm (UTC)
Heh, I don't know, bb, sometimes we people just miss things. ;)

I'm so glad you read and liked it, though.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you write Lois better than almost anyone I've ever read, you have her insecurity down pat.

Now you're just inflating my ego! Thanks so much. :)